Real Downer

by on Apr.05, 2006, under Personal

Hi guys,
I realise this will be my first post on a blog and what a post it will be :(

Tuesday was the two year anniversary of my mum’s death, it appears that my housemates don’t know about this. Should I tell them or should I just carry on keeping myself to myself???

Over the past few days I have come to realise that my mum has gone and will never be returning. After two years this fact has only just hit me and I’m not 100% sure what to do. Do I just go on like nothing has happened or do I let it affect me??? ARRRRRRGGH I hate feeling like this, depressed, wanting to cry out but not wanting to upset anyone else.

Yesterday we went over to Marshland St James, this is where we scattered my mum’s ashes on my nan’s grave. I just stood there like a lemon whilst my dad put the flowers on the grave. I feel I have to be strong to help my dad get though this but there isn’t really anyone there for me to confide in. If I confide in my dad it will just upset him (am avoiding this), this is also the same with my sister. I keep reading a poem that my cousin wrote for the funeral:

Deep in Our Hearts

Happy little memories
Go flitting through our minds,
And in all our thoughts and memories
We also seem to find,
The picture of your face Josie
The memry of your touch,
And all the other little things
We came to love so much.
You cannot go beyond our thoughts
Or leave our love behind,
Because we keep you in our hearts
And forever in our minds.
And although we may not have always told you
We know you know its true,
That we will always find happiness
In all our thoughts of you.

Rest peacefully Josie

Not exactly sure what else to put now so will leave it for a while and might just go for a random drive as that always seems to clear my mind, failing that I will just go for a wander to the shop. Not sure if anyone will eer find this but I had to write the way I felt down somewhere and this seemed the logical place to do it

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2 Comments for this entry

  • Phill

    How do mate.. not really sure how to reply other than to say if you need a chat any time, even if it’s just a distraction, you know where I am.

    Chin Up :)

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  • GizzmoAsus

    Cheers for the comment Phill, have only just realised you posted this here lol.

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